Viktoria’s Story

Where and when did the war meet you?

The war found my family and me at home. When putin announced LNR and DNR as independent republics, or rather locations, because it's hard to call it something at all… It's the same as, you know, me coming to your home and saying, "well, this house is free, I'll live here now." It seemed this absurd and scary. Then the actual invasion was announced. They occupied Kyiv Oblast and Kyiv. This was very scary, and we were all watching the news. The first thing that my husband was affected by was Snake Island which the iconic phrase "russian warship, go fuck yourself" came from. At some point, Pavlo was serving in Odessa. He was in the border force, so that probably pushed him to mobilise faster. So in some four days, he completed the major male chores around the house, those that I physically couldn't have done, packed, and went to the military commissariat. This shocked me because, considering the people in our government, I didn't know who we were preparing to fight for. But not fighting was also not an option because that would end in concentration camps in Western Ukraine to scare other Europeans. 

Why did you decide to stay in Ukraine?

Well, first of all, if everyone was running away and not doing anything for a country, that country would cease to exist. That's the first thing we thought about. Secondly, we didn't have anywhere else to go. If you keep running, your problems will undoubtedly catch up with you later on. But they will catch up.

How did everyday life change during the war?

It became very stressful. I started excessively cleaning for the first time, though I'm not usually an overly clean person. Started doing a lot more things around the house because I needed a distraction. I trained a lot and train a lot even now because that stress needs to be choked somehow. I just don't stop and try to work on myself because, after all, I believe in our victory.

Do you think that Davyd is affected by the air raid sirens?

Well, we're lucky because we live pretty far from the city. So we're not regularly hearing the sirens. When we visited our grandpa in Lviv, Davyd didn't in any way react to the sirens. Even when we were in the village and heard the sirens, he didn't bat an eyelid. I'm doing everything possible for my son to have a carefree childhood despite the war.

How do you ensure this?

Thankfully, we are pretty isolated from the city, so we don't go there daily. I try to take him out to nature a lot, for walks, to the stadium. We even went to some restaurants and saw some of my friends. I don't have anyone to leave him with. He also spends time in environments with his peers and shows initiative in that kind of communication. We play games, we do all of it, and I try not to affect him by my own mental state. There are moments when I break down, and while he's screaming in one room, I'm screaming in another. I need to calm myself first to be able to calm him as well. I don't want him to feel what I feel right now.

How often do you and your son see your husband?

Almost never. One time we saw him last April, he was on unofficial leave for practically three days. And the second was the end of July and the start of August. This was for like five days. That's it.

And is he now located on the frontlines in the army?

In hell on earth. Bakhmut. And they're not letting him go. No leave, no rotations. People are very exhausted and sacrificing their health, but the doctors diagnose them as healthy. Because there are not enough people. I think it's because of this. And I don't know when I'll see him again.

Do you see any difference in your friends' mental states between now and pre-war times?

From what I can see, the people who don't have close friends or family at war haven't really changed. People who have family fighting or are activists by nature always hold some donation gatherings and report what the money has been spent on. So those conscious people who have found themselves in the rear always help financially or gather to buy something, help in some way. If someone on the front is injured, they collect funds as well. So yeah, I see this a lot. 

What's the overall sentiment in Ukraine at the moment? Are people more hopeful that everything will end well, or do they seem stressed and tired?

People are stressed and tired, but despite everything, they believe all will end well.

In your opinion, what helps upkeep the positive mindset the most?

I don't know… Probably just the belief in something better. Because, in reality, that's all we have left. And, of course, we need to be practical, so we also have hope for our international partners, Americans, because we didn't have anything for the longest time.

Regarding international partners, are there any harmful stereotypes you have encountered on socials about the russian invasion of Ukraine or Ukraine itself?

No, I haven't really seen much of it. Still, due to its convenience, even Germany didn't properly communicate with their citizens about the war. Didn't explain why the prices were rising and just kept that overall dissatisfaction with it. Overall, the average European doesn't quite understand the rise in prices. They know it's because of the war in Ukraine, and then it seems like it's the fault of Ukraine. So not all European governments made an effort to explain that it's not Ukraine, it's actually russia that is doing God knows what and trying to remain unpunished. Because Europeans had a lot of business with russia, and back when russia was severely breaking the rights of their own citizens, and when there still existed some sign of individuality there, the representatives from the EU ignored it. Because it was beneficial for them to keep the business relationship with russia. And this carelessness contributed to what we all have today.

Regarding this business with russia, and everything pro-russian in Ukraine, what is your attitude to russian-speaking Ukrainians today and has it changed since the beginning of the war?

Before the war, I didn't really mind people who spoke russian as long as they maintained a pro-Ukrainian stance. But now I try to have a colder attitude towards it. There really are russian speakers who remain pro-Ukrainian, and all is well. At the front, a lot of russian speaking soldiers are doing excellent work. But it's pretty extreme now because how do you differentiate who's on our side and who isn't?

How is the situation with light in Lviv?

When God gives! And not only in Lviv but in the whole country! Our schedules are very weird. They gave them to us, but I can't say that they're at all accurate. There are emergency disconnections as well as planned ones. From my understanding, some places end up being given more electricity. Some prominent restaurants and hotels, so then it's cut off from someone else.

What are some of your post-war dreams?

I don't know, being happy is the main one because I feel very burnt out right now. I often have panic attacks and cry or laugh excessively due to nerves. So I just want personal rehabilitation to figure out my future from there. Because right now, I'm not in a state of figuring out what I will want in the future.

And after the war, are you planning to stay in Ukraine?

If everything is okay, that's what we would want.