When I only thought about this, my heart began to tremble because those were horrifying times. Absolutely horrifying. We worried, as you said, Ukrainians in the whole world and us as well. It wasn’t the misfortune of only residents of Lviv or Ukraine. It was our collective misfortune. We didn’t sleep, we didn’t eat, we were always in front of the TV or on social media. The whole time we were trying to find something, some information.

If I speak from the beginning, then I actually came here before the war. I was making a visa. Before the lockdown, I was here, then I left to go home, and then I wanted to revisit my daughter, so I was making a visa. So I was planning to come here sometime in March, but the war was already approaching Ukraine. We saw that russian troops were gathering next to our border, the councils were being recalled, and my daughter was telling me to hurry. So on the 9th of February, I was already here. In Australia.

But mine were left behind. My husband, my son with his family, and my ex-husband stayed too… So no one thought it was going to be something serious. In 2014, Mariupol was also bombed. But it sort of just passed. They bombed really far away suburbs. But on the 25th, the war started on the 24th, but on the 25th, we received a notice that the buildings were fully bombed in the eastern suburb. So this eastern one is the closest to russia. And so it became worrying. It became worrying, and I started to say how we should start moving, we need to start doing something, but mine were like no, no, we will stay here, it’s still quite where we are. Our Mayer and such told us that they were controlling the situation, that we should remain calm, and that there was no need for rash actions. So they remained. They stayed, and then later, when everything became very serious, we could see what was happening on TV. At that point, our side announced trouble and said it was time to move out. But you know, they just remained.

And suddenly, there was no light, mobile connection, water, gas, nothing. But bombs, fires, shootings… and people began to hide in the basements. And mine did as well. My family was also in the basement. What they went through… They don’t even tell us anything, but we all also felt it, saw it, saw the pictures… And you know, they were showing Mariupol everywhere for a very long time. We received messages from the whole world. They know that I’m in Mariupol: “How are you?”, “How’s your family?”, “Where are you?” I told them I was not in Mariupol, but my family was left there. And everyone, everyone, everyone was saying, “What can we do?” This touched not only Ukraine, not only Mariupol but everyone. People whom I studied with. And even from russia. Even from that same russia. Such adequate people also called. From Latvia, from America, so many, I can’t even count how many. From Europe as well. They said, get to the border, and we will get you out of there. But we didn’t have any opportunities to take our family out, so this whole time, while we didn’t have any connection with family… My daughter was messaging her classmates, and was helping some relatives. Some appeared, some managed to leave. She helped them. And then, her classmates participated in the driving to evacuate people, but they couldn’t. Because there were soldiers on the outskirts of the city and this group of buses got stuck.

And we’re not sleeping, considering it’s daytime there, but night for us. And we started to lose track of time. Only in about three weeks my husband contacted us. He suddenly left Mariupol because the neighbours were leaving, and he came down, and they said to him, “Get in the car, faster”, and he said, “How would I” and they said, “C’mon, faster, get a seat” so he went up to our apartment grabbed his rucksack, just like a small emergency bag, not a suitcase, a backpack it was, and he joined them. They drove away, and he wanted to grab his money because he had a stack just in a little packet and next to it my photograph. He was so nervous and hurrying that instead of the money he took my photo. Later he said, “At least I saved your photo”. But they drove away. They were driving via a very specific route. They didn’t know the trajectory, but you know they drove on the road, as everyone did, and they stumbled upon tanks. So they needed to change their route. So when he called me and told me where they were, I said they were driving in a completely opposite direction, but he said they just couldn’t go anywhere. There’s a blockade on this road, the other route is full of soldiers, missiles are already falling. So they were just driving around, trying to find their way, it was a very long road, but they finally made it. They made it to Vinnytsia. With adventures, he made it to his relatives. My daughter and I could finally breathe a little.

Later, after some time, my son contacted us as well. They were sitting in their basement and couldn’t get out because the bombing wouldn’t stop. Our relatives came for them. Between the bombings, they managed to get into the area that was being attacked and picked them up. During this time, my son has begun suffering from severe back pain. We didn’t know what happened, because beforehand he was very healthy, he’s actually a captain, and is quite a built guy. I think he would have even volunteered to go into city defence or someplace, but this pain suddenly happened. So they were driving out, and when they came to Zakarpattya… This is a little hard for me to say… But when they arrived in Zakarpattia, it wasn’t only his back that was hurting anymore. He began to lose sensation in his legs. They went to the doctor for an MRI and found a tumour on his back. So all this was from stress, or maybe he injured himself in the past and didn’t tell us, but we don’t know. They performed an operation, he’s currently going through chemotherapy, but he’s in this state. And all this time, my daughter and I were also looking for doctors and places for them to stop. This situation is only really specific to our family.

We also tried to contact our colleagues, friends and neighbours. My daughter even read some information about the actors from our theatre, as you know, our theatre was bombed, and many people passed away. [My daughter] Viktoria was helping the young actors to create a fund for collecting money. Well, it was a GoFundMe. Because they were young, and everyone left for different cities, there was no work, so it was very hard. Later, I heard that my colleague, Viktor Dedov, had passed away. Viktoria was speaking on the radio about what’s happening here, in Geelong, and they interviewed me as well. Still, when they came, and we gathered, the journalist was with a photographer. So he came and started setting up his equipment: lights, camera. After the click of the photograph being captured, I suddenly remembered the times I was working with this colleague of mine, and how we always held shoots together. I worked in television. I just watched this photographer set up, and suddenly, all the memories started flooding in. The same set-up as I used to have. So as soon as the camera sounded, I just started crying, knowing that my friend, the operator, had passed away. He was a brilliant artist. His works were even displayed in Washington, but only after he passed. His wife and kids also met with Zelenskyy, so it was a tremendous loss. He was a master of his craft.

Another friend of mine, who also worked in television, was serving in Azov, and she created content about it. Her lover was serving there also, and they got married there. After three days after the marriage, he passed. But she is currently in captivity in Olenivka, where they bombed recently, as you know. We don’t know how she is doing, but we are all very worried. I just hope she lives. She’s just a petite, beautiful woman. She’s in the photos, you know. You know the images they took of Azovstal that travelled worldwide through social media. There were troopers, and she was just sitting next to a fire, in a helmet, in a uniform. A very beautiful picture, very beautiful. Maybe it will be familiar to someone. I recently saw that one of our operators who’s currently in London was standing at a protest with her photo.

All of this is not only a tragedy of Mariupol people. At the moment it’s a tragedy of the whole world. But it is such an example of unity. But also a warning that if we let russia do as it pleases, this can be a reality not only in Ukraine but in other countries as well. It’s difficult. It’s stressful.

Every message that comes from Ukraine is not simply a piece of news; it touches your soul. We’re already working on ourselves because we can’t be in this state for long. We have to continue to live. For myself, I have made the conclusion that my life has reset to zero. I need to begin everything again. Here. In Australia. Improving my English, looking for a job, and helping those still in Ukraine. Maybe we could bring some of our family here at some stage. And life continues. But I think Ukraine will win. We all hope so.

Ludmyla’s Story